i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
