If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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