I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
