I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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