Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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