Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
