what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
