we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
