you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
