He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
