there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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