Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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