It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
