today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
