I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
