she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
