I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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