halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
