I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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