There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's never too late to be topless.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
