i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
