5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you made out with another girl for some wings
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
