She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
