peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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