Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
