i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
