She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
