Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
