Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
