Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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