She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
