im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
