he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
