Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize