Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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