I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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