Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
