made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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