Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
