I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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