Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
