I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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