Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
