I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
