Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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