hell yes lets make some ravioli
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
