none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
