Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
