I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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