my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
