just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
