she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
