Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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