so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
