You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish there were birth control emojis
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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