I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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