Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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