no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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