I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
