Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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