so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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