Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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