She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
