Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
