Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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