He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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