I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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