We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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