For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
