I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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