thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
