She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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