So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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