yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
