I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
